my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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