fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
