Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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