She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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