It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
