Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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