I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
