gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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