I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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