Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't put those talents on a resume
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
