this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
