dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
