I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
