i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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