he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize