We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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