Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
ok first of all what the fuck
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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