i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
