Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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