CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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