I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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