So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
