he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
