Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize