U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
