When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
