i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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