ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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