i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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