U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
