I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
