He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
