Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
