4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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