I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
