My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
