I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
