he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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