I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
