Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
