I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
