i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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