So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
