My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
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