I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
