I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
