Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
