Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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