I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
