her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
