I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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