Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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