flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
