trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize