Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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