i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize