Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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