Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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